Spot Your Patterns Like a Therapist --- Have you ever changed all of the characters and somehow kept the entire plot? New relationship, new job, new city, new promise to yourself that this time will be genuinely different — and then six months later your nervous system leans over and whispers, haven't we seen this episode before? Patterns matter because human beings gravitate toward what is familiar, and familiar and healthy are not synonyms. Sometimes familiar means I know h

We do not only grieve people. We grieve futures, identities, abilities, relationships, possibilities and versions of ourselves.

Practice Self-Compassion Like a Therapist Learn therapeutic questions that replace shame and self-attack with accountability, context and self-compassion. Imagine speaking to someone you love the way you sometimes speak to yourself. “I can’t believe you screwed that up.” “You should have known.” “Everyone else handles life better.” “What is wrong with you?” Charming. Right?! Self-compassion does not mean declaring every decision brilliant. It means holding yourself accountabl

Find the Real Problem Like a Therapist You are upset because your partner didn't text back. Except maybe you aren't. Maybe the text activated: I'm not important. You're furious because your boss criticized your work. Except perhaps the deeper wound is: No matter what I accomplish, eventually someone will discover I'm not good enough. Human beings are very good at reporting events. Therapy gets interested in meaning. Two people can experience the same event and have completely

Identify What You Need Like a Therapist Human beings are spectacularly bad at asking directly for what they need. Instead, we hint. Withdraw. Become resentful. Overfunction. Get angry. Say, “I’m fine.” We are very frequently not fine. Try asking: What did I need in that moment? What did I hope they would notice? What did I want them to say? What feels dangerous about asking directly? What do I want but believe I’m not allowed to need? What am I requesting

Research has identified a strong link between Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and eating disorders, suggesting that trauma,...