Understand Your Behavior Like a Therapist --- Most behavior makes sense in context. Yes — even the behaviors you sincerely wish would pack their bags and leave. Avoidance. Overworking. People-pleasing. Procrastination. Shutting down. Exploding. Controlling. Seeking reassurance at two in the morning from someone who has already reassured you twice. Before you ask how to stop doing any of it, try a different question: what does this do for me? That is not an endorsement. Behavi

Find the Real Problem Like a Therapist You are upset because your partner didn't text back. Except maybe you aren't. Maybe the text activated: I'm not important. You're furious because your boss criticized your work. Except perhaps the deeper wound is: No matter what I accomplish, eventually someone will discover I'm not good enough. Human beings are very good at reporting events. Therapy gets interested in meaning. Two people can experience the same event and have completely

Examine Your Relationships Like a Therapist Examine your relatiuonships like a therapist Relationships reveal us. Not only who we love, but who we become while loving them. Ask: - Who do I become in this relationship? - What am I asking this person to prove about me? - What behavior do I keep explaining away? - What do I tolerate because it feels familiar? - Am I connected to this person, or to their potential? - What am I repeatedly pursuing from emotionally unavailable peop

Learn therapeutic questions for understanding anger, violated boundaries, hurt, fear and powerlessness.

Sometimes "I'm just a nice person" is true. Sometimes it is anxiety wearing a cardigan.

Identify What You Need Like a Therapist Human beings are spectacularly bad at asking directly for what they need. Instead, we hint. Withdraw. Become resentful. Overfunction. Get angry. Say, “I’m fine.” We are very frequently not fine. Try asking: What did I need in that moment? What did I hope they would notice? What did I want them to say? What feels dangerous about asking directly? What do I want but believe I’m not allowed to need? What am I requesting