Understand Your Behavior Like a Therapist --- Most behavior makes sense in context. Yes — even the behaviors you sincerely wish would pack their bags and leave. Avoidance. Overworking. People-pleasing. Procrastination. Shutting down. Exploding. Controlling. Seeking reassurance at two in the morning from someone who has already reassured you twice. Before you ask how to stop doing any of it, try a different question: what does this do for me? That is not an endorsement. Behavi

Find the Real Problem Like a Therapist --- Sometimes the problem is not the problem. Your partner did not text back and you are furious, and the fury feels entirely proportionate right up until you sit with it long enough to notice that what actually landed was not the silence but the sentence your brain quietly wrote underneath it: I am not important to this person. Or your supervisor criticized your work and you are still turning it over at eleven o'clock at night, and the

We do not only grieve people. We grieve futures, identities, abilities, relationships, possibilities and versions of ourselves.

Practice Self-Compassion Like a Therapist Learn therapeutic questions that replace shame and self-attack with accountability, context and self-compassion. Imagine speaking to someone you love the way you sometimes speak to yourself. “I can’t believe you screwed that up.” “You should have known.” “Everyone else handles life better.” “What is wrong with you?” Charming. Right?! Self-compassion does not mean declaring every decision brilliant. It means holding yourself accountabl

Separate Who You Are From What You Did Like a Therapist Seperate the behavior and identity like a therapist. Human beings love turning verbs into identities. I failed. Therefore: I am a failure. I acted selfishly. Therefore: I am selfish. I am struggling. Therefore: I am broken. But behavior and identity are not the same thing. Ask: Did I do something I regret—or does this define me? Is this who I am or something I learned to do? Who am I when the problem isn’t dominating me?

Understand Your Behavior Like a Therapist --- Most behavior makes sense in context. Yes — even the behaviors you sincerely wish would pack their bags and leave. Avoidance. Overworking. People-pleasing. Procrastination. Shutting down. Exploding. Controlling. Seeking reassurance at two in the morning from someone who has already reassured you twice. Before you ask how to stop doing any of it, try a different question: what does this do for me? That is not an endorsement. Behavi

Find the Real Problem Like a Therapist You are upset because your partner didn't text back. Except maybe you aren't. Maybe the text activated: I'm not important. You're furious because your boss criticized your work. Except perhaps the deeper wound is: No matter what I accomplish, eventually someone will discover I'm not good enough. Human beings are very good at reporting events. Therapy gets interested in meaning. Two people can experience the same event and have completely

Learn therapeutic questions for understanding anger, violated boundaries, hurt, fear and powerlessness.

Sometimes "I'm just a nice person" is true. Sometimes it is anxiety wearing a cardigan.

Identify What You Need Like a Therapist Human beings are spectacularly bad at asking directly for what they need. Instead, we hint. Withdraw. Become resentful. Overfunction. Get angry. Say, “I’m fine.” We are very frequently not fine. Try asking: What did I need in that moment? What did I hope they would notice? What did I want them to say? What feels dangerous about asking directly? What do I want but believe I’m not allowed to need? What am I requesting

What is a bond and how does it impact you?

Top 12 Myths About Trauma: How Trauma Is Often Misunderstood by Survivors and Their Loved Ones